Sunday, December 11, 2005
I actually came to a conclusion to end of everything which is of cause very pain in the heart. Considering that I experience this type of relationship 4 times in a roll. I should consider my immuned to it and not give a damn. WHAT ARE GUYS TO ME!? NOTHING... For they take gals/relationships for granted.
Once again, I ended up at Holland Village doing nothing but stoning at Coffee Bean & Tea Leafs sipping my English Breakfast Tea. Fav thing to do. By that time, I was actually very tired. My eyes felt very heavy and swollen. Met Joshua up but I have nothing to say. Everything was different. I can feel the coldness in the air and feel myself trembling badly, really badly. Shivering when I am not even cold. Giddy spells were set on me after a glass of stout and Jack Daniels coke with I had at ACTORS. My hands are shaking when Im writing.
There's no one to console me at all for I didnt want to disturb Sulie with my sorrows again. I have not much friends and all I can think of is Lawrence for he cared for me even when I was working at ACTORS with him. I am so glad and I really appreciate that Lawrence would make the effort to come all the way down just to console me when he actually didnt feel like going out. *TOUCHED* Have not seen him for such a long time. Missed him loads... the happy and fun times when working together. Thank god he came yesterday... I receive peacefulness and calmness in my heart when I see him.
Everywhere seems very quiet yesterday. My handphone battery was also dying on me. It was so quiet that I can't think well. Why am I even in this world. God is simply setting a test on all of us, each and everyone of us... Good or Bad?? I give up , I give in...
After overcoming one, and when its over, it happens again, and this time its not easy to overcome as yet. Im only wanted when Im needed
But after much thinking over at his place, the next time when it happens again, I really will not care anymore and just leave. I say it and I mean it.
His mum's eyes expressions was like as though Im the one who does not want to give up when its actually him who keeps on dragging. Wanting and not wanting. Its seriously very unfair for me.
I will see when Im needed again.. for thats the only time which he will call or msg me. Other than that... ha... I really cant be bothered for now.
Salsaera Paradiz signing off lovingly 12/11/2005 08:38:00 PM
